so explain again why im purple
no
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
