get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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