just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Actions speak louder than pants.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
