I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
