i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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