I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
