Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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