I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
