hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
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I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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