Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
