She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
