I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
