Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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