I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
