Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
