when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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