Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
