I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
