you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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