Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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