Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
