.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
