Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
