we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
