Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
