we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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