i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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