I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I would ride that face into the sunset
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
