from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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