How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
