ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
