Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
