i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
