Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
