I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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