you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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