Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
