Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How's work?
Spinning.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
