I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How does one acquire holy water?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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