So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
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I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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