Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
