Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
