So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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