I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
They have beer where we have blood.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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