Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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