tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
