I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
