Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
