smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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