i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have fence marks all over my body
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
