just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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