my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
