Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
as a side note pls kill me
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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