Don't you send me to vm
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
