Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
