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Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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