oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
