So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
