i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
