I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
