she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
