What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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