Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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