Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
