I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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