pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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