for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
