Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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