I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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