White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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