just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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