Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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