I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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