There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
