I have demons in me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
